Why We Don’t Discuss Potential Living Lulus - A Hippo Essay

By Sam Baraoidan

February 11, 2020

As the group continues to grow, we have noticed an increase in people trying to post and/or comment about their Living Potential Lulus – animals for whom behavioral euthanasia is being considered. Since this is strictly against our rules, these posts are declined and comments are deleted. The purpose of this post is explain to those who are new to the group why we are so strict about enforcing this rule, and why it is important to maintaining the culture of Losing Lulu.

We don’t allow any discussion of Living Potential Lulus, even when the decision to euthanize has already been made. This is a really important point. Even if the euthanasia appointment is that day, or is in ten minutes, discussion of that animal is not allowed until the euthanasia has been completed. This is probably the hardest rule for many people to understand, and it certainly leads to the hardest situations for us to moderate. We don’t allow discussion of Living Potential Lulus at any point because:

• Losing Lulu is first and foremost a grief support group, not a behavior/training support group. We are here to help people who have already lost an animal to behavior, not to help people make the decision to euthanize or not euthanize their animal.

• For people who are grieving the loss of their animal to behavior, re-living the decision-making process by reading about someone’s Living Potential Lulu can be incredibly triggering.

• It can lead to second guessing for people in the group who have already euthanized their animals.

• It can lead to second guessing of the upcoming euthanasia, if the person posting has decided to euthanize their animal.

• It can lead to training advice, which can be controversial and is off topic here.

• The best people to help you decide if you need to euthanize your animal for behavior issues is you, your family, your veterinarian, and often, your trainer and/or veterinary behaviorist. Not people on the internet who haven’t met your animal.

We know that there are a LOT of people in the group with Living Potential Lulus. Every person who applies to be in the group has to agree to not discuss Living Potential Lulus. We (the admins, moderators, and ambassadors) made the decision as a team to allow people who were still in the decision-making process into the group. We thought it would be helpful for them to know that there is a supportive community available, should they decide to euthanize. However, our intention was NOT for anyone to use the stories of people who have euthanized Lulus as advice for what to do with their own “Living Lulus.” The stories represented in Losing Lulu are an inherently skewed sample, because we are only for people who have had animals pass away due to behavior. All of our stories end the same way. Yes, reading the stories can be a helpful reality check for somebody dealing with a seriously dangerous animal. But they should not be construed as advice for what to do with a Living Potential Lulu, and they should not take the place of feedback from an animal care professional (veterinarian, trainer, behaviorist, etc.).

Finally – there is a difference between Living Potential Lulus and other living pets/animals. We DO allow people to discuss living animals in the context of dealing with the emotions surrounding:

• Getting a new pet after having a Lulu

• Feeling uncomfortable or nervous around animals after having a Lulu

Many of our members have suffered trauma and have PTSD, and can be triggered by normal animal behavior, especially in dogs. Normal dog behavior can include growling, barking, lunging, and even non-injurious fighting with other dogs or snapping at humans. This can be terrifying to someone who has had a Lulu, which is why we allow people to discuss the complexity of feeling afraid of or nervous around animals who are showing normal behavior – as long as they make it clear that they are not asking for training advice. We are here to support you as you learn that animals showing species normal behavior, doesn't mean they will be another Lulu.

We know that the time between making the decision to euthanize a Lulu and actually going through with the euthanasia is particularly agonizing. Pre-grieving or anticipatory grief is very real, and sometimes feels even worse than grieving after a euthanasia. We would love to be able to offer the support of the group to people during that time, but over and over again we have reached the conclusion that it simply wouldn’t work. However, we (the moderators, admins, and ambassadors) do make ourselves available to chat privately (via Facebook Messenger) with people who are in that stage. We do not provide advice, but simply a listening ear to people who are desperate to share with someone who will be understanding. We don’t want people to feel completely isolated during that time, so we hope that offering private support will at least partially make up for not being allowed to post in the group before euthanasia.

I hope that helps clarify our Living Potential Lulu rule. Feel free to PM me or any of the modmin team if you have questions.

Thanks to

Andrea Kilkenny for her lovely hydrangea photo 💜