Trigger Warnings - A Hippo Essay

By Sue Alexander

March 9,2019

Being triggered is REALLY hard.

Most of you don't know me well, but some of you do, and some of you may remember me at a conference in the company of my psychiatric service dog D'fer (pronounced Dee Fur). D'fer, or Deefie, helped me with my anxiety, depression and PTSD. I lived with these symptoms for most of my life, and he really made it possible for me to cope, especially when I was triggered. There were a couple of really tough ones for me. The two that could make me turn into a puddle were being a passenger in a car and having someone cut us off, or having the driver need to take evasive action, and having a crowd of teenaged girls approach me. Either of those events could send me into a complete tail spin and could ruin the rest of my day...or sometimes the rest of my week. I understand the seriousness of being triggered.

Over the years, something I have learned is that everyone who gets triggered has similar feelings of isolation. We feel like we are the ONLY ones. It is a little like losing a beloved hippo to a behavioural euthanasia; we feel like we are the ONLY ones EVER to lose a hippo to a behaviour problem, when in fact there are lots of families who loved a difficult hippo, who spent time and effort and money on helping our hippos, and who ultimately had to sit with the fact that no one can help every hippo! When you get triggered, you often feel like "I am the only one who is afraid to sit in the passenger seat of the car", even if you know intellectually that in fact many people experience the same triggers that you do.

I want to say two things about triggers. The first thing is that some of the time, we heal and old triggers are no longer triggers. I can usually drive as a passenger now, and since D'fer's death three years ago, I have been healthy enough that I no longer need a service dog. I don't LOVE being the passenger, but I can cope. I may never LOVE to be the passenger, but some of the time I can even enjoy the ride. The story of how I got to this point is interesting but long and not terrifically relevant; please just know that if something is upsetting to you, you may get over it in time if you have good support and caring people around you, you can overcome your triggers. I share this information because when you get triggered you can feel like this is permanent and it may not be.

The second thing is that life is risky. You are going to be triggered. You may even be triggered here. Recently someone wrote a post about their experience with a euthanasia where they were upset by the process and it prompted the post to be reported. Another time recently, someone posted about the method that was chosen to euthanize an animal family member, and that post was reported. A few weeks ago, someone posted about how an animal friend reacted to sedation, and that post was reported. People have reported posts about the details that led to a euthanasia, and people have reported posts about the way people chose to describe their Hippo. All of these posts have one thing in common though. Somewhere in the thread, the concerning detail is described as comforting to someone else! There is always a risk that disclosing your experience will be triggering to someone else. There is also the risk that if you read someone else's post, you are going to be triggered.

I love that Luluers are risk takers. I love that when you find something triggering, you report it-keep doing that. By all means PM me if there is a post that concerns ,you but don't forget to report it first as I am not always online. I love that you also comment when something is comforting. I love how open you are about discussing your concerns, and how for the very most part, no matter which way the moderation team moves on your concerns, you are all accepting of what we have to say. I love you guys. You make this place special and safe, even when you have been triggered by something here. Instead of doing what I see on many lists of blaming and shaming, there is a culture here of saying "that upset me, and this is why" instead of "you are being bad, and my pain is your fault". When we speak from our own pain, we help the other person to understand, and in fact we gain a deeper understanding because of how the message is sent that we are hurting. Thanks for being here. I cannot promise that nothing here will trigger you, but I can promise that we will listen carefully every time you share with us how something landed.

If you find something triggering on list, please DO report it. We may not take it down, but it helps us better understand what the list needs in order for you to feel safe here. Once you have reported the post, if you feel the need, PM a moderator or admin. Please don't PM a list ambassador as they will just forward your concerns to a moderator or admin. If you are going to comment on the post, please resist the temptation to tell the original poster that they are being insensitive; for many of us what triggers you may be comforting to someone else. It is fine to say "hearing that your hippo flipped over a tourist boat was very upsetting to me" because that is YOUR feeling. At the same time, someone else may be thinking "maybe I am not horrible after all, because MY hippo did that 11 times before we decided that decimating tourists was not a safe hippo behaviour". If someone on your thread says "reading about your hippo flipping over the tourist boat really gutted me" you can help them by saying "I am so sorry my post affected you that way; is there anything I can say that will help you out now?" Be gracious both in giving and receiving this kind of feedback. We are not on an easy list here! Finally, once you have finished with the thread, unfollow the post and turn off notification. Really. You don't need to be retriggered just because someone has commented!

Thanks for being here everyone. It is an honour to moderate such a wonderful caring group of people. I have never been a part of a group of over 1300 people, everyone one of whom has been hurt and every single one of whom is committed to healing and not hurting anyone else in the process. I am profoundly touched by the love on the list. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Today's picture is of D'fer, on my vacation in 2007. We were at a railway station in New York state. In the background is a lake and the mountains. Without his help I never would have overcome my PTSD, because he kept me safe from teenaged girls. Run free Great Dog; you saved my life more than once. I hope this image brings everyone else a little peace today. Perhaps he can sit between you and the images in your head that trigger you here, as he did for me.