Thanks to the Helpers - A Hippo Essay
By Sue Alexander
March 25, 2019
Today I want to give a shout out to the "helpers". The people around us who helped us when we lost our Lulu. The people who often suffer right alongside of us, but who often don't get any recognition. Sometimes in fact they get slammed. Sometimes they are called nasty names and those are rarely deserved. Who are these folks? I have a list.
They are our family and our friends. The ones who said "I know it’s hard." Or even the ones who said "you need a wakeup call; this is dangerous." The ones who say "I can see that Lulu is suffering". The ones who drive us to the vet, who bake us cookies, who send us flowers, who take the kids for the afternoon so that you can let your Lulu go without having to deal with the risk of having a young person further traumatized by seeing a beloved hippo die. Thank you, family and friends. For me this was a group of friends who were Scout leaders with me, who helped me to bury my Lulu, many years ago. Thank you for being there for me.
Then there are the rescues and breeders who placed these hippos, usually in good faith, who are still there at the end. These are the pragmatists who understand that no matter how hard they try to find the perfect hippo home, not every hippo is going to be safe or healthy forever. These are the special people who say "I know you tried your best, and if I had to do it all over again, I would give you another hippo calf in a heartbeat. Letting Lulu go now is the kindest thing you can do and I trust that you are making the right choice." May you each be blessed with a rescue or a breeder who supports you and understands that euthanizing a troubled hippo is not a convenience euthanasia. For me this was a lady named Judy.
We cannot forget the trainers and behaviour consultants, the veterinary behaviourists and technicians, who walk the talk, who listen, and suggest and who come up with the strategies to help our hippos when we are completely overwhelmed. These are often the people who are the first to say "this may not work out, but I will stand by you all the way to the end." These special people often cry for your hippo just as hard as you do because they are so invested, and they are also so realistic that they know that every day they go to work, they may have to say good bye to a well-loved hippo. The person in my life was a man named Marty. He was my dog trainer and he helped me to see the magic in the possibility and he was the person who more than anyone inspired me to pursue a career in dog training.
Finally, a special shout out to the veterinarians and veterinary assistants and technicians. These special professionals suffer a high rate of burn out, often because they signed up to help and sometimes, they just can't. They are with us in the good times, and the hard times and often they are the last person to help an animal when they euthanize him or her. They come to work every day with a profound love of hippos, and that love is still there when they help a hippo to die with dignity. Sometimes these people are suffering even as they are helping us to formulate our decisions and take action. In my life, I am fortunate to have dozens of these people, who help me, who inspire me, who share their successes and failures with me and who work alongside me as I work to help other families with their Lulu hippos.
This community deserves a shout out too. Thank you all for being here. For sharing so openly. For being vulnerable. For being so positive and supportive of the ideal of what a grief support group should be like. For keeping it safe. I want to give a special shout out to everyone who is part of the support system here; the Ambassadors, the Moderators and my co-administrator, Trish McMillan. Most of you know that I live with a traumatic brain injury, and without this incredible support system we would not have Losing Lulu at all. I do what I can, but I couldn't do it without you.
One of the things that I find very healing is to practice gratefulness, so now I challenge everyone; who are you grateful to for their support and care. No tags please; just first names of individuals, or the name of breeders, rescues, training schools or vet clinics. I am not looking to generate a whole lot of traffic to Losing Lulu, which is what tags do. Just a whole lot of gratefulness to help us all heal a little more.
Today's image is of my last fire on my vacation last summer. I am cooking pike, caught that same day. I am grateful to the land for supporting me, to the fire for warming me and cooking my food, for the pike for his gift of his life to keep my life healthy and able. I am grateful to the sun that warms me, to the moon that lights my campsite at night, to the water for cleaning me and keeping thirst away. I am grateful for my canoe and my paddle, for the journey and for the people who appreciate the images I brought back. All my relations.