Second Guessing - A Hippo Essay

By Sue Alexander

March 4 2019

Second guessing is a killer. We all do it and we do it all the time. It can become a habit really quickly. Did I really need to have a piece of bread for breakfast? I mean I know it is yummy and homemade...but really bread? What happened to my good intentions to eat fruit and cheese in the morning? Or at least porridge. Why? Why do I make these bad choices? And what about starting that book at bedtime last night? Should you have done that? Because you know that keeps you up all night! Do you not want to start the week on a full tank? How about that craft workshop last week? Did you really need to go? And just what did that get you? A headache? Yes! And you missed work on Sunday because of it! See? One little nag and soon I am down the rabbit hole of self-flagellation and doubt. And guess what? It is worse when someone else questions our intentions!

This is why we have a zero-tolerance policy on second guessing. This is why we don't say "you should never give your hippopotamus corn...everyone knows that!" The next thing you know is that the already sad hippo mom who has lost her precious hippo is thinking to herself "Did I read every label on every bag of grain?" "Did someone feed my hippo corn while I wasn't looking?" "I am such a bad person to have not protected my dear good hippo friend from the evils of corn" The second-guessing leads to a whole cascade of thoughts that are simply not good for you. And second-guessing spreads. it spreads like wildfire. Next thing you know, people are not giving corn to hippos, or giraffes or emu, and people are doubting every little thing that happens.

Now in the dog training world we see this all the time. Someone used a shock collar...or a prong...or a slip collar. They used treats. They got their dogs vaccinated. Or they didn't get their dogs vaccinated. They exposed them to a nasty person. Or other dog. They exercised them or didn't exercise them, or fed them kibble or raw or a vegetarian diet. the dog came from a rescue or a puppy mill or a good breeder or was found in the yard. The amount of second guessing in the dog training world is incredible, and hurtful, and we aren't going to do it here. We are all already in enough pain.

We need these second-guessing posts to stop. We need you to say something gentle to those who second guess and then report the post or comment. We need to be aware. We cannot go back and undo a euthanasia and second guessing is really difficult for those who read what you write. This coming weekend, we are going to have Dr. Jenny Beard on to discuss some of the causes of behaviour problems, so that is going to be a safe space to discuss whether corn is dangerous for hippos, but we aren't second guessing in that case. WE are helping people to understand what some (not all!) of the contributing factors to the loss of your hippo might be. And if you have a giraffe or an emu, we will be talking about that as well. In the meantime, please help us to stop all the second guessing that is going on.

Today's image is of a flower I found on my first portage. I cannot remember the species just now. Maybe one of you can look it up for me and remind me. They were only on that one portage; I didn't see them anywhere else in the park.