No One Wants to Be Here -A Hippo Essay
By Sue Alexander
January 18, 2020
Losing Lulu is a really special place to land. No one wants to need to be here, but if you need to be here, it is a pretty good place to be. There is a reason for this. The reason is simply that we had a vision for a very specific culture and then we put in place the rules of the road to make that happen. We have a small problem lately that the modmin team anticipates will likely grow, so I am going to write a Hippo Essay to address that problem. I am going to outline the issue and then outline the things we need you to do to help us to maintain the wonderful culture we have here.
The problem is simply that as more and more people enter the room, a smaller and smaller percentage know what the culture is. Many people join us and the moment that they join, they want to put up their first post. Many of these posts are just fine; usually these people have read the rules and are careful about following them. Sadly, some people just post without getting to know us! This has created some issues.
The first of the issues is simply that we have to moderate these posts. This means that a moderator has to read the post and then bring it to the modmin team and unless the post is truly egregious, we discuss the post, and then usually we take the post down and reach out to the original poster to tell them why their post was removed. This is really difficult because the original poster is usually hurting really badly and instead of understanding that they have had their post removed for violating the rules, they often storm off feeling badly. This is really, really unfortunate for many reasons, not the least of which is that someone who is hurting, is now hurting more.
Sometimes the person is hurting so badly, that they lash out at the moderator via PM, or they try and post to the list a second time stating how unfair we are, or they quit Losing Lulu and then bad mouth us elsewhere. Each of these outcomes is stressful, unnecessary and unpleasant. When a moderator is the target of a member getting angry, we hurt too, and that means that the original hurt grows and the first person is hurt twice and then hurts someone else. Wow! Talk about being plowed by a hippo and having your boat overturned! If you have had a post removed, you are most likely going to be put on post approval, which means that you won’t be able to post to the list without a moderator seeing what you are going to post, and if it is not in the spirit of the list, then it won’t get approved; we will simply decline it. This is why you on list never see these posts. Some of them have been sadly very rude, so we are glad that the hurt doesn’t spread any further than it already sits. And when someone is hurt so badly that they leave, and then say unkind things about the list and the moderators, that may mean that someone else who needs us is too concerned to join lest they not be supported.
So here is what I want from the list. I want to ask everyone, each and every one of you, to go and reread the rules. Make sure you know what they are. If you have a moment, please reread some of the hippo essays in the welcome and culture documents. It is more than fine for members to periodically post something that says “welcome new members; have you read the welcome and culture document and the rules yet?” in whatever unique words you choose. Reminding people about what our culture is will help a lot! Remining one another to #keepitkind is also really helpful. And finally, if your post is removed, please, please, please take that in good grace, as the vast majority of you do.
The single most common reason for a post to be removed is due to the pending euthanasia of a beloved hippo (if you don’t know what a hippo is, you need to read the welcome and culture documents and the hippo essays!). The next two most common reasons for posts or comments to be removed is either giving advice or posting a meme or link that has not been approved. We know that you are all tender and we know that it is hard to have your posts and comments removed, but please understand that having rules means that we need to enforce those rules, and have some consideration that we really hate removing anything. If you are in doubt about a post or comment please report it. The reports go to the modmin team, not to Facebook and they allow us to find the comment or post easily so we can decide if we need to do anything and no one other than the modmin team will know you reported it.
Hugs to you all. For the very most part, moderating Losing Lulu has been a pleasure. Most people take moderation in the spirit it is intended. Thank you so much for that.
Today's image is the full moon coming up while I was about a three-day paddle into the bush last summer. It was beautiful and I think that the moonrise is every bit as amazing and the sunset that came before it, but is often overlooked. Like us. We are subtle and beautiful here on Losing Lulu.