It Is Really Different - A Hippo Essay

By Sam Baraoidan

July 8, 2019

It is really different. Really. I have spent the past month away from work, home and everything that I know. I don’t ride Kayak, or play with Friday. I don’t see John or talk to my friends online. It is different. And different gives me perspective. Probably the biggest difference is the time I spend in the back country. This year I spent 21 days in the back country, paddling around, looking at stuff, doing my dishes and laundry by hand, fishing and generally having adventures. I do this alone, all by myself and if I could have, I would have taken a lot more than 21 days this year; I felt like I was just getting the hang of things when I had to come back into the world. Different is the theme of this hippo essay. By the way, if you don’t know what a hippo essay is, please go into the file where we keep those and read them. Yes, some of them are long, but they are really important, so if you haven’t read them or if you are new, please go in and have a look.

Just like my vacation, Losing Lulu and the Luluers are different too. First off, we are absolutely adamant about the culture here; we are all going to be kind here! We promise! And the moderation team and the Ambassadors work really hard to make sure that happens. We read absolutely every post and we discuss and debate content and ensure that everyone is playing according to the rules. For the very most part, considering that there are over 2500 of us, and we are ALL different, it goes very smoothly, however we are going to keep being this active on making sure that we are all being kind. In fact there is a hippo essay all about kind, so you may want to go back and have a reread of that. If you think folks need to be reminded of that fact, don’t hesitate to use the hashtag #keepitkind. Read kindly. Write kindly. If you feel like you just cannot, step away from the keyboard, go take a big breath, have a glass of water and go for a walk. I promise you that you will feel better for doing so, even or perhaps especially if you feel strongly about the thread.

Luluers are different too; we are different because we have each been touched in one way or another by the topic of behavioural euthanasia. We have each cared for an animal who has had a behaviour problem, and for the very vast majority of us, we have lost that animal friend or family member. Losing an animal friend or family member to a behaviour problem is different for a number of reasons. For starters it is rarely cut and dry. Perhaps your Lulu’s behaviour problem is something you could live with if circumstances were different. Perhaps your Lulu’s behaviour problem only happens under very specific circumstances. Perhaps your family was opposed to euthanizing. Perhaps you told a good friend and he or she slammed you to the ground while you were grieving. There are so many differences that I cannot even begin to touch upon those differences here. Just know that we all get it here.

Which brings me to the meat of today’s hippo essay. Losing Lulu is about behavioural euthanasia. Most of us who have lost a Lulu have also lost animal friends and family members to old age, disease, trauma or illness. Behavioural euthanasia is different! It is different enough that we needed a list just to discuss this. If you have an animal friend who has recently passed due to old age, or cancer, or who was hit by a car, we know you are in pain, and we know how sad these losses are, but because behavioural euthanasia IS different, we don’t grieve those losses here, and that can be a bit tricky some of the time. It is tricky when folks say “my dog was really aggressive, and we debated and debated, but he finally died of cancer”, because that is not a behavioural euthanasia. We have a really intentionally narrow mandate here; to support the people who have lost an animal to a behaviour problem. There are a good number of resources for people who have lost pets to other reasons, but so far as we know, Losing Lulu is the only one devoted to supporting people who have lost pets to behaviour problems. If you need help finding a resource to address your loss let us know, and we will do what we can to point you in the right direction, but Losing Lulu is specifically for the loss of pets to behaviour problems.

Finally, another difference here is that we only talk about living animals if they are helping us to overcome our loss of an animal to a behaviour problem and we never ever, under any circumstances talk about behaviour problems or training, not even if you are in the end stages of your animal friend’s life, and have made the appointment to euthanize. You may not understand why, so I will try and help you to understand. When you have had to euthanize an animal friend due to a behaviour problem, and the discussion happens about another animal friend who is struggling, you may begin to second guess a decision you cannot change. You may feel more guilty, sad, angry or upset than you already do. You may want to change an unchangeable choice and you cannot and that is brutal. There are other reasons not to discuss this too, but this is the biggest reason.

Today I am attaching a bunch of pictures from my trip; you will notice a number of things that are different about my trip. I have too much gear! That is fallout of the “camping with head injury and packing unattended” nature. I sleep in a hammock; they are far more comfy than a tent. I fish a lot. And I am obsessed with taking pictures of lichen, plants, and animals. I have sure missed you folks. I am glad to be back! Thanks for taking care of one another while I was gone and for #keepitkind. Feel free to nominate someone who has #keptitkind while I was away.