Don’t Believe Everything You Read on the Internet – Abe Lincoln - A Hippo Essay

By Sue Alexander

June 14, 2020

Perhaps my favourite internet meme of all time is a picture of Abraham Lincoln with the quote “Don’t believe everything you read on the internet” attributed to him. Now, in case you happen to not live in North America, and you don’t really know why this is very funny let me explain. Abraham Lincoln lived in the 1800s. He was the president of the United States during the American Civil War and he was assassinated shortly before the war ended. He was well known for pithy and often erudite quotations about all sorts of things. “You can please some of the people, some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you can’t please all of the people, all of the time” was one of his. That is one of my favourite quotes! So, although Mr. Lincoln might have had something relevant to say about the internet, he could not have done so because he died long before the internet, or indeed, even the telephone was invented.

This meme comes to mind today because I am thinking about internet safety and our wonderful community. We work REALLY hard to keep things safe for everyone here. We screen the new members carefully, and we read absolutely every post before it is posted. We read all the comments and we have key word alerts to let us know when there might be something of concern. The modmin team works tirelessly behind the scenes to make sure that we are as safe as we can be while we help one another to deal with a sensitive and difficult subject. Never the less, we are part of the international interconnected, internet community. And that means that we are treading water while juggling chainsaws, in shark infested waters.

Today I want to talk about some of the things that can and have gone wrong, what actions we have taken, and what you can do to help us to keep Losing Lulu kind, helpful and above all safe. Sadly, from time to time, someone screen shots a post and shares it off list. This is expressly prohibited. We have a rule about that! We know this happens, we know that there is potential for harm when it happens and we hate this! This, perhaps above all, is one of the most frightening things that can happen to someone who is traumatized and working through their trauma. When we have found out about incidents where this happens, we mobilize (okay honestly, usually Shobha mobilizes!) and research where this has gone, and who has done this. When we figure out who has betrayed this trust we remove them and ban them. We don’t warn them, or tell them, or discuss this. They are gone. Furthermore, they cannot find us again. They are just gone, and Losing Lulu no longer exists for them. And then we monitor the post when we find out where it is going and take whatever action we are able in order to limit the harm that is caused.

Losing Lulu is not secret. It is private. It is important to understand the difference between these two concepts. Secret is something we don’t want anyone else to know about. Private is something that people know about but don’t share. Lulu is private. And privacy takes effort to protect. This is where the membership comes in. When you see something in a group, or online, or anywhere, and you suspect it originated on Losing Lulu, please let a member of the modmin team know. You can find me and Trish fairly easily, and the rest of the moderation team is listed on the about page. Reach out to one of us if you notice anything that you are at all concerned about.

We occasionally hear about someone reaching out to another member and the encounter is less than comfortable. For this reason, we suggest that if you want to connect with someone, please tag them in a post and ask them to reach back to you off list. Then if they don’t want to connect, they can control the contact. Sadly, off list contact can occasionally REALLY go off the rails. If you are being bullied off list by a list member, please let us know. We are not friendship police, but bullying is something we take very seriously and if you show us that you are being harassed by someone off list, we will remove and ban them. Again, they will just be gone and the list will no longer be visible to them.

We hate to ban people. Our hope is that when people come to Losing Lulu they are coming here with a good heart. We hope they understand that this list has a strong commitment to being gentle and kind to one another, and to learning about the experiences of others. We hope that people will come here and get the support they need, as well as share of themselves, both by being supportive and by sharing their stories. We hear over and over again that Losing Lulu has changed people profoundly. That our culture has spread outside the list and helped people to become kinder and more thoughtful in their approaches. That people have learned about the reasons why behavioural euthanasia is important to the welfare of animals and of communities. We hear this all the time.

In order to keep this private, safe space both private and safe, we need you to help us to protect it. Read the rules. Keep an eye on the list. Let us know when a rule is broken. And understand one thing. No matter what our rules, or how private and safe this space is, it is still the internet. Anyone can share anything simply by screen capturing what is on their screen. Realize this. Be aware about sensible precautions that you can take to help protect yourself. If another person is involved in your Lulu’s story, check with them before sharing their part, or change names to protect others. If you are worried about the fall out that may occur when you share your Lulu’s story, reach out to the list or to a moderator and discuss your fears.

I am an interesting mix of traits. On the one hand, I am the quintessential extrovert, getting my energy from those I spend time with. On the other hand, I am incredibly introverted, finding great renewal and peace from being alone. This has given me an interesting perspective on privacy and secrecy. It has helped me a lot online where I have had to walk the fine balance between sharing everything about my life and being completely exposed in ways I had not expected when I have shared things. I try and keep in mind that I can share details without putting my own safety or the safety of others at risk if I am sensible and make sure that I am a part of safe communities.

Stay safe everyone. I love you all. You inspire me every day and being a part of the Losing Lulu community has enriched my life and made me a better person. This community is something worth protecting, and together we can make sure it stays safe.

Today's image is from my trip last summer to Northern Ontario. I am missing this place, this time, right now. I am safe there, out in the bush, away from the world.